Posted: Nov. 14, 2007
LOGAN, UTAH— Famous philanthropists Ted Turner and Bill and Melinda Gates were seen getting off a private jet in Abuja, Nigeria. They were seen meeting with local African officials. After the meeting an interview with Abuja Mayor Malik Ok was held. Asking him as to what the meeting with the heads of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and Ted Turner Foundation, he responded that he has "made an agreement to not say any specifics." What he was able to say was that he has created a plan for to improve the health education in his city and pronounced his proposal to the world community to receive funding. He was then later connected by the two prestigious foundations about four months ago. The plan for better education is also being talked about in at least five different countries in Africa. The foundations would provide the long term seeds for funding but eventually the local people will be running the schools and providing their own funding. Ok said that the foundations " have our interests at heart in the long term."
Bill Gates, founder of the Bill and Melinda Foundation, said that "nothing has been announced officially yet … but by next month an official statement will be made." The funding will hopefully start to take place with in the next two to three months.
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5 comments:
kGood job. Sometimes it sounded a little repetitious saying Bill and Melinda Gates, and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, but other than that I thought it was well written.
I really liked the excitement in the article. You made it sound like a breaking news story which was great!
I agree with the other comments. Some of your sentences are a bit wordy. i.e. "Asking him as to what the meeting with the heads of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation and Ted Turner Foundation, he responded that he..." as opposed to "When asked about his meetings with Gates and Turner, he said..."
Well, it was a good article although it needed to be split up and organized into paragraphs, and it needed to follow the inverted pyramid a bit better with a lead sentence
Good job. Watch wording in some sentences, they tend to get a little wordy and I ended up wondering what was meant in a few sentences. Other than that I think it sounded great!
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